Forgive and Heal
“Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing.” – From the book “Sparks of Phoenix” © 2019 by Najwa Zebian, published by Andrews McMeel Publishing
Why on earth would we bring up forgiving others as part of our healing journey? Well, believe it or not, we learned the act of forgiveness is also good for our health. Forgiveness can reduce anxiety, stress, depression, lower the risk of heart attacks, improve sleep, reduce pain, and the list goes on and on. There are multiple studies online that go into a significant amount of detail that you can investigate on your own. One of my favorite studies is called “Forgive, Let Go, and Stay Well! The Relationship between Forgiveness and Physical and Mental Health in Women and Men: The Mediating Role of Self-Consciousness” (Mróz et al., 2023).[1] This is just one study, but you get the idea; forgiveness has significant positive health benefits.
Many people have experienced very hard things that must be dealt with. I’m not saying the forgiveness process is easy and I do not take it lightly by any stretch of the word. If you feel as though you cannot honestly forgive someone, ask God to help you. If you aren’t ready to ask God for help, talk it out with a trusted family member or friend.
“There is nothing more classy or powerful than showing forgiveness and grace to someone who does not deserve it.” – Unknown
The irony is that any hard feelings you hold—only hold you back. Not the person or situation that wronged you—it just holds you back. And wouldn’t you guess, it can cause physical and emotional health issues. Let go. Forgive. The craziest thing about forgiveness is that many times the person who wronged you is often clueless as to what they did to you emotionally or just how much they hurt you. They are not suffering nearly as much as you are. I promise you will not regret taking this time to forgive anyone who has wronged you. Taking this step will positively impact your healing journey.
The ego (the “me, myself, and I” that makes up you) can be a tough one here. Oddly enough, your ego may want to hold onto the hurt because that’s where it’s comfortable and feels protected. Let’s face it—if you were hurt, most likely your pride got involved in some capacity, and forgiveness can be a tough pill to swallow. The ego uses pride to fuel the fire and hold onto the hurt and anger. My direct and personal advice is this—just let go.
If the thoughts are negative or extend hurt to you in any way, they are not for you. Do everything you can to stop clinging to moments of hurt. Letting go of expectations from the other person helps tremendously with this step. If you don’t expect an apology from them, you won’t be disappointed. Escape the infinite prison of pride, hurt, and ego—allow yourself to forgive.
The process of forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to call them up or meet with them personally. Verbally forgiving someone either in person or over the phone can be one approach if your heart leads you to do it that way. But I have found personally that it can be just as powerful to simply acknowledge what happened, and then genuinely forgive them in your mind and in your heart—and mean it.
“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” – Oscar Wilde
One last thing since we are on the topic of forgiveness. Don’t forget that it is very important to forgive yourself too. If something bad happened to you and you hold thoughts of unforgiveness toward yourself, this step is paramount. Recognize that you may need a little forgiveness yourself and be generous with it. Hand it out like an open bottle of glitter in a windstorm—you are on a mission to heal.
The only next step after doing this is to let it go and move on with your life knowing you are now free from those burdens you have been carrying. The chains of hurt have been broken forever.
1 Mróz, Justyna, and Kinga Kaleta. “Forgive, Let Go, and Stay Well! The Relationship between Forgiveness and Physical and Mental Health in Women and Men: The Mediating Role of Self-Consciousness.” International journal of environmental research and public health vol. 20,13 6229. 26 Jun. 2023, doi:10.3390/ijerph20136229. Title referenced. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10341467/#B4-ijerph-20-06229.
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